COVID-19: A View from the Inside

In March of 2020, as all of us know, we transitioned to a new [temporary] way of life. While many people (myself included) were able to do a lot of their work from home, others lost their jobs completely, were laid off, fell sick, cared for others who are sick, transitioned to full-time parenting with a full-time job, and more. My heart goes out to those physically impacted by the virus. This post is made from my own experiences and I cannot begin to understand the extent to which many others have suffered during this time.

On March 18th, I took to Facebook and advised those who were able to read (I made the post public - something I haven't done in probably a decade) to do the following: 1. Limit, but try not to (if you are able) totally cut out the news. Reading a few articles or watching 20 minutes of news 1-2x per day feels far less overwhelming than getting pinged throughout the day by, or anxiously checking for, updates as they come in. For the most part, updates over the course of 3-4 hours are not going to make or break your knowledge on what’s happening in the world, but it may help ease some build-up anxiety that can result from constant updates. 2. Create a structure for your day. If you normally commute to work/school and have found that time is gone, maybe schedule some of that time back in. If you read on the train, read a little bit in the morning. If you listen to podcasts in your car, take a few minutes to listen in the morning. Schedule lunch and other breaks in advance to make sure you’re taking them. 3. Move - in whatever way you can - from chair stretches to short jogs around the block to YouTube fitness classes. 4. Vitamin D is a beautiful thing - especially if you’re inside A LOT. 5. Connect - make virtual dates with your friends and/or family in advance. Don’t wait until the day of to reach out (although that’s totally cool as an extra or as needed bonus!) - that can feel overwhelming and can be easily put off. Take some time this week or weekend to plan “hey let’s watch [insert show or movie title here] at 6:30 on Tuesdays!” Or create a virtual lunch room where you and your friends/coworkers can share a meal together every Wednesday or every day. It’s going to feel different, but it’s better than feeling even more disconnected. 6. And above all and woven within, be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself in whatever that means for you. There can be a tendency to say the “others have it worse” or “I shouldn’t complain” statements and while yes, others may have it worse, it doesn’t mean that you should shut off how you feel about it. Then you stop listening to yourself and that can lead to a whole host of concerns that you don’t need to add to your plate! If you want to donate your time, money, or resources out - please do! But in the process, be kind and know that it can be difficult and you are allowed to take care of yourself.

All of this is still true, but there are things that I have wanted to add and expand on.

First of all, I have been talking with clients about responding to their emotions as they are able. Even if you might be lonely and your desire to connect is pulling you to want to go see others outside of your home, listen to that emotion (loneliness) and try to connect in another way. While I know it is not the same, and we are not trying to sugarcoat this to be so much better than it is, we are just trying to pull elements of things that have worked in the past that are able to happen now and use them! Listen to what is going on with you and acknowledge where there can be disconnect - it is okay, it is normal - we are trying to survive. However, if you are able to do some piece of something that has helped, try to work with that. If it is loss you are feeling, try to sit with that and try to honor it in a way that you can while also holding space for it to suck.

Secondly (and related to a lot of the other things mentioned) try to get support in the ways that you can. I personally have noticed how much support I get from people in my (non-COVID) every day life. It can be very challenging, but trying to maintain that exchange can really help! A personal example: I have been "taking walks" with one of my closest friends (on the phone) in the middle of the day one day during the week to help give myself a break. I have also added a peer supervision group of two of my therapist friends to help during this time.

Third - goal setting. There are many articles out there about using this time to do something big, or something you have put off because you haven't had the time in the past to do it. If you feel up for that, go for it! However, if you don't feel up for that, it is okay. Many people are finding themselves not having the energy/motivation to give to these projects or ideas, and that is normal. Set realistic, achievable goals throughout the day. If you can get behind SMART goals, go for that - otherwise, just try to set little goals for your day and then little goals for the week. For example, your goal for the day may be to answer five emails or it might be to take a walk, whereas your weekly goal might be to get all of your laundry done or go grocery shopping. Try to do whatever you can to make sure that you can meet those little goals, and change them up if you are able! Start small.

Fourth, take time for YOURSELF. If you need a break from your partner/friends/family/kids, please take it. Better yet, schedule in a break every day or week if you can. I have advised my clients to do this prior to the quarantine, but I am encouraging it even more now. It is also helpful to help the person/people from whom you are taking a break from not feel rejected or wonder if they have done something wrong if you have already had the conversation that this time every day/week will be time for yourself. We often do not know we need a break until it is too late, so schedule time to watch your favorite show or read a book on your own. Work does not count as alone time. You deserve it!

And finally, acknowledge some gratitude during this time. Even if it is not the leading emotion (that is more than okay), at least acknowledge it when you can. If it's something small, such as "wow, I am so grateful that I was able to finish that day's goal" or "I am grateful for access to the internet at a time like these" or even "I am grateful I didn't want to kill my husband today" and see where you can go from there.

We are all in this together.