Deck the Halls with Joy and Boundaries

This time of year can be experienced in so many different ways for people. Some people experience them with joy - with holding light, hope, faith, connection, etc close to themselves and feeling excitement in the hustle and bustle. Others feel isolated, alone and sad in times where others experience connection and spirit. Others experience families in various levels of distress - from past/current trauma, to substance use, to being in spaces where your gender or your relationship is not affirmed, and to so much more.

This year in particular has offered a change up a lot of ways - the pressures that have been added due to COVID-19 have altered how people can safely celebrate the holidays, but we have to take certain elements into consideration each year around the holidays.

Some important things to consider are if you are taking part in traditions that no longer feel good for you. Are you holding a stocking that has your dead name on it? Are your cousins making racist comments during certain songs? Are you generally feeling unease? Setting some boundaries can be really helpful.

1. Have a conversation with an ally beforehand about what is potentially distressing - could you put away certain pieces of decorations? Could you make sure that I am not sitting next to _____?

2. Know your exits - have a plan for when/how you are going to end the night, and a back up plan if you need to go sooner

3. Choose how much alcohol you plan to consume (if any) in advance. Let someone else in on your plan if you would like.

4. Take a break

   • 1-2 min meditations (the Calm, Buddify, and Headspace apps have short ones available - Youtube also - sneak away to the bathroom and do a 1-2 min meditation)

• deep breathing (Box breathing is good - inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4)

• notice different parts of your body (something you can do when you are in a crowded room and no one will know) and flex/relax each part

• take a walk

Hopefully none of these will have to be used, and you can enjoy the holidays with your family and friends. For those of you on your own this holiday season, here are some tips to help you:

1. Connect - however you can. Set up phone calls, zoom calls, Facetime, etc to connect with important people

2. Pick a you-centered activity that feels good - paint your nails, take a bath, use a face mask, etc. and do it up!

3. Choose foods that you want to eat - might it be take out? might it be your family's traditional foods? might it be toast? go for it!

4. Allow for some sadness that this holiday looks different, and allow yourself to grieve if you need to.

Whether this year's holiday season looks different or "all too familiar" - may you notice your emotions and listen to them asking for what you may need. You are valid as an individual, not just as a member of a family or friend group, and you are valued in your family/friend group even if you are alone this year. May you find the glimpses of light in any darkness that may arise, and allow that to carry you through.