Practicing Self-Care is Practicing Self-Compassion

The term "self-care" has been picked up by many blogs, instagram posts, and has been used in the vernacular to represent anything from brushing your teeth to taking a year-long vacation. Self-care can and should look very different for every person.

Do what feels good for you. We cannot pour from an empty cup, so we need to find ways to actively refill our cups.

Self-Care is the act of caring for yourself. Easy enough, right? Not quite. Self-care spans what we need to do on a daily basis (personal hygiene, eating, sleeping, exercise, etc) to what we need to purposefully add into our day to care for our wellbeing. This could include baths, time with friends, purposeful time away from phones/devices, watching a favorite show, taking a hike, etc. Here I am going to focus on the purposeful acts instead of general hygiene/basics, because these purposeful acts are what you know will "refill your cup" and help you feel better about yourself and help you to be a better human.

Now think about some of the things that help you recharge. This can and should be different from the ways of your family, friends, and partners. Oftentimes self-care feels like it is competing with things that "need to get done" such as chores, work, taking care of kids, etc. It can feel like that, but we need to make it as relevant to your daily life as brushing your teeth. It is necessary for wholeness.

What is important to note about self-care is that sometimes/oftentimes you might not want to do it. One of the most impactful moments when thinking about self-care came to me while listening to a talk at the International Domestic Violence Conference in Halifax, Nova Scotia in early 2018. The presenter talked about how compassion fatigue can sneak up on us, especially on those of us in helping professions or those of us who interact with people all day every day. She said something like, "You may reach the end of the day and realize that you connected with people all day, that you don't have the energy to go for that drink with your friend. But go! Please go, because you are going to look back five years from now and realize that while you had these hours of connection throughout your day, you did not have the type of connection that will [refill your cup]." We don't necessarily want to always go out and see people, we may want to hide under the covers and sleep, but listen to yourself to really ask which would refill your cup that evening. Sometimes it is the hiding under the covers experience, but not always.

So what do we do?

1) Create a list of things that are YOU-specific that help you recharge, both individually and interpersonally.

2) Create a schedule - if you have kids and/or a super busy work schedule, you can make it work.

3) Make sure you prioritize what is on your schedule - unless something truly feels like too much (this can happen - that's okay - just be mindful about it), don't skip your self-care. And if you skipped it yesterday/last time, definitely push yourself to do it this time.

4) Start small! Add in something like waking up ten minutes earlier to read from the novel you have been trying to read. You will not miss just small ten minutes of sleep, but you will likely feel more refreshed consciously using those ten minutes for you.

5) If needed, couple something new with something that you already do. For example, add in some essential oils to your shower, or put on your favorite music when you are cooking dinner and maybe dance around a little bit!

6) Add in 1-2 minute meditations. This can be done throughout the day. Apps such as Calm, Buddhify, and Headspace all have short options!

7) Build relationships - even if you take a few minutes here and there (in the bathroom if you need to!) to send some texts to some friends to check in.

8) Prioritize connection! If you don't want to go bar-hopping or mountain-climbing, put in the effort to make time for people in ways that you feel you can best connect.

There are so many ways to take part in self-care. Self-care can be discussed as a very privileged thing, and if we steer away from thinking of it as ONLY adding resources (massages, vacations, etc), then we can see it as something accessible to everyone. We want to make changes that can be added into every day, or at least several times a week. Self-care is an ongoing practice, and you deserve it.