"What's coming will come and we'll meet it when it does" - Hagrid, Goblet of Fire

I have been talking with clients a lot this week about the concept of worrying - about the unknown, about our bodies, about events that are upcoming... you name it and someone is worrying about it right now.

While anxiety and panic can be helpful for us from an evolutionary standpoint, worrying is not. Anxiety might arise when we see the lion in the distance, and panic appears when the lion is charging us. Our bodies get a rush of cortisol and adrenaline and we run run run. However, if we are standing around worrying that a lion MIGHT appear, is that helpful? Are we living our lives?

Often when asked why someone worries, he/she/they respond that they think it will help lessen the blow, that they will somehow be more prepared if/when the event happens. However, studies have shown that when people worry about something beforehand it actually does NOT better prepare them for less anxiety and panic when the event arrives. Back to the lion example - if we are worried about the lion in the woods MAYBE appearing, is that going to change how fast we can run?

Now, I am a big proponent of being prepared. From a general standpoint and definitely from a trauma-related one, it's good to "know your exits" -- meaning that when you walk into a room, you know how to get out, a pathway out in a crowd, telling a friend you might need a ride home, etc. But once you notice these things, you let them go. You don't want to continue to worry or think about all of the possibilities that could arise in which you would need those exits. That's when we start to get into the unhelpful territory again.

So what do we do with worrying? I am going to offer a few strategies below:

1) Set a worry time - Choose a time (preferably in the morning so it doesn't affect your sleep at night) that you are dedicating to worrying about everything that you have to worry about. I would recommend 15-30 minutes depending on how many worries you have. You can process these worries however you would like - writing out some ideas, verbally talking them out loud to yourself or another consenting adult, or any way you find helpful! And then outside of the "worry time" you can make a list of things that you would like to worry about during that time, but you are not getting into the worry right then and there. This is particularly helpful at bedtime - keeping a list next to your bed and jotting down the worries as they arise to try to keep you from sleeping.

2) Find the actual fear behind the worry - Usually the worry is masking something larger underneath. For example, a worry that your boss might not like your presentation may actually be masking the fear of being fired, which may lead to the belief "I'm not good enough" or "I won't be able to provide for my family" -- see what I mean? If we can find what is actually fueling the worry, we can slowly try to take that down.

3) Singing - This is one of my favorite exercises. This can be done during the "worry time" or in general when you've set aside some time to think about some of these things. You write a list of all the worries and all the negative self-talk behind them and then for about 3 minutes, you sing out the worries. This also works with reading the worries/thoughts out loud in a cartoon voice. This then triggers another part of your brain (one for joy/humor) and can take down the power of the worry or thought. Usually by minute two you are laughing!

4) Journaling - Take some time to write out some of these worries. It can help to see them on paper. Sometimes when we are in a worry it can feel super intense, but when you write it down and read it back, it feels less so. Journal prompts (available in the resources section of my website) can also help with this as a way to further explore other parts of ourselves when worries feel consuming.

5) Mindfulness - There are tons of mindfulness resources out there! Progressive muscle relaxation can help calm the mind and center the body. You can look up on Youtube mindfulness strategies or guided meditations that all can really be helpful! Mindful movements and mindful walking can be effective for those individuals who struggle with stillness. Take a moment to notice 5 things you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel on a walk. Mindful movements - notice what your body is doing well/with ease and what feels strained/harder.

6) Good ol' therapy - talk to a therapist! Almost always helpful for worries! :)

Side (but immensely important) note: I do want to mention that there are a lot of big, systemic, existential worries that are VERY problematic and not because they are worries, but rather problematic because they exist. For a particularly relevant example, racism shouldn't be ignored as a worry - but everyone must take care of themselves (POC, white folks, everyone) so that we can all continue to show up every day. While the ability to put off a worry is one of privilege, it does not mean that individuals shouldn't utilize these resources to be a better ally and to be a better support - especially to do so 6 months, 6 years, 16 years from now when we are still going to be fighting. Do what you can do today, and maybe a tiny bit more, and then again tomorrow a tiny bit more. Muscles tear before they get stronger - so you need to hurt a little to get better, but you don't need to run yourself into the ground.. because what use are you then? This is not a sprint, this is not a marathon, we will be running for the rest of our lives -- so we ALL need to take care of ourselves.