When We Can't Connect: Some Thoughts on Dissociation

The dictionary defines Dissociation as "the disconnection or separation of something from something else or the state of being disconnected." While that is true, dissociation carries so much more meaning to individuals suffering from mental health concerns, and particularly suffering from trauma-related disorders. Dissociation is also used as an umbrella term to describe two other subtypes below:

1. Depersonalization - feeling detached from one's body and mind, feeling "unreal" or like you are watching your life happen before your eyes, like it is happening to someone else.

2. Derealization - feeling detached from your surroundings. You might feel like there is a haze around you and you are not in the real word - objects, people, and time may be very distorted.

Scientists aren't 100% sure what is happening in the brain when this is happening, but there are theories of what is going on. One that I like to share with people is that it is your brain telling you that it is not safe to be in the world or in your body. For example, if you are being attacked daily after school by a group of bullies, your mind can detach to say "it isn't safe here, we are going to 'check out' a bit" and then you dissociate. Then if this goes on for awhile (or even just once), it sets up a pattern in your brain to do this when you feel threatened or unsafe or even just at random. This can be highly uncomfortable for people, because there are times when these individuals do not want to be dissociating but their mind is taking over. This has also happened for people who have had "bad trips" on hallucinogenic drugs, where the lingering effects remain in this way.

Now it is important to mention that all humans dissociate in some way. "Highway Hypnosis" is the most common example that people give. "Highway Hypnosis" happens when you are driving somewhere and suddenly you realize that you have gotten there without remembering how you did it. This is common when traveling to and from work, school, or other places that you frequent. What is important to note here if you are frightened by this, is that this state is very easy to break (unlike other dissociative episodes) if information changes - such as if you need to press on the brake quickly. But while this critical difference exists, the concept and feeling are similar.

Back to the idea that everyone dissociates. People dissociate in so many "healthier" ways - watching TV shows that you've seen over and over again, reading a book, meditating, and even running. There is a fine line between dissociation and mindfulness - a key difference is awareness. Dissociation often, but not always, happens when we are not in control and without consciousness. In these "healthier" ways, it is not necessarily an unpleasant experience. Mindfulness is an awareness of separation and connection. While the idea might be similar (such as with meditation), there is an awareness present in mindfulness that is not there with dissociation.

Another very key difference between "healthier" dissociation and other types of dissociation is the ability to come back to reality and connectivity. How easy is it to reconnect to reality after the episode or period of dissociation? Do you just close your computer and "snap back" to reality? Are you able to get super into the story of your book and then easily transition back to your daily life? Folks who experience dissociation often struggle with the process of coming back. If this is true for you, there are some ways to "ground into the present" or techniques to feel more connected to your body below:

1. Wiggle your fingers, tap your feet. Pay attention to the movement: You are in control of what your body is doing, right here and now.

2. Eat or drink something. Is it hot, or cold? Sweet, or sour?

3. Use your voice. Say your name or pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud.

4. Take a shower. Notice the sensations of the water.

5. Write somebody you care about an email.

6. Take a look outside. Count the number of trees and street signs.

7. Exercise. Jump up and down on the spot. Try some gentle yoga, or go for a short walk.

8. Hold onto something comforting. Notice how it feels in your hands.

9. Hold ice, frozen fruit - pass them back and forth in your hands. Notice how it feels.

10. When you're feeling okay, make a list of the furniture in your home and what room it's in. Give the list to a friend/roommate/partner you can call to help you focus on what's around you now.

There are countless techniques to try to return to reality. If you are struggling with these concerns, please reach out to a therapist for support. It can be uncomfortable, frustrating, and strange. Connectivity is a part of being human that so many take for granted. If you are not struggling with this, think about how you might notice more how connected you do feel - how you feel a hug, your child's hand, your dog's kiss, your cat's tail.. and notice how you can connect even more. In these moments of quarantine, we are noticing how much we rely on connectivity - seeing friends/family, getting hugs, getting outside - but we can begin to notice how much we feel on a daily basis without even thinking about it. Try to see what (anything - really!) you can tune into a bit more and find some gratitude there.